well, i was sitting on a bench in tesco for almost three hours. i was too tired to walk and so end up sitting there and wait for my mum to do her shopping. since i got nothing to do so, watching those people passing by is the only way to kill time. i saw a very cute little kid keep asking his parents for angpau. keep saying when reached home give me the angpau arrr. his parents just ignored him. he was like begging his paretns for angpau. his voice is so sweet !!! if i were his parents i wont make him begging in this way, it is a cruel acts.

i realized myself still not been heated up by the mirthful chinese new. obviously i have grown up no longer that wishful to celebrate CNY. something to be proud of? or rather a sad thing?

thats all i think. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR.

well today i did alot philosophical thinking since i was alone sitting in mcdonalds, a book named the zahir in my hands and with the fattening fries.

so cf was kindly asked me do appreciate things ppl around few days ago i think. i was like very proud and told him that i m always that appreciative,you are the one who not. even worse when i told him i m very satisfied with my current life. i m completely fulfilled in my present condition. but he shut my mouth with questioning me that what makes u feel so contented in your life? at that moment i got no idea what to answer him then i just act distracted. 

in the first place, i thought my answer would be as simply as this '' i got everythg a person could possibility want like a family a home a pet good health etc."

after reading the zahir, i felt like what the hell. the zahir makes me think alot seriously. i never been this deep meditation before. the writer says the meaning of life is the family,children n work?children who grow up n will leave u. husband n wife who wil become more like a friend than a real lover. n one day your work will end too.what would u do when that happen?

i was trapped by this question. if that happen i m no longer a contented person?am i?

i always thought i can get what i wanted is the best thing ever.

 

but now i feel like i have the family i love. those friends i always dreamed of having, my studies is quite the envy of my friends, the praise, the honours but that is something......

if i stopped, my life would become meaningless.

i m just striving hard to SATISFY my life. not my life is satisfying me. precisely that. i have everything. i feel happy.

i once told cf i m a person who easily to forget sad things. but till today i realized, i m just always pretend not to acknowledge the sadness. i m just like bulls looking for the bullfighter. blunder on. with no ideas where the target is. *breathe out* 

i dun know what i am talking about nw and dun remember what i wan to blog today.

just tired in figuring a conclusion - am i feeling happy with my life now?

i no longer have this energy

posses the body, soul aren't mine .