well today i did alot philosophical thinking since i was alone sitting in mcdonalds, a book named the zahir in my hands and with the fattening fries.

so cf was kindly asked me do appreciate things ppl around few days ago i think. i was like very proud and told him that i m always that appreciative,you are the one who not. even worse when i told him i m very satisfied with my current life. i m completely fulfilled in my present condition. but he shut my mouth with questioning me that what makes u feel so contented in your life? at that moment i got no idea what to answer him then i just act distracted. 

in the first place, i thought my answer would be as simply as this '' i got everythg a person could possibility want like a family a home a pet good health etc."

after reading the zahir, i felt like what the hell. the zahir makes me think alot seriously. i never been this deep meditation before. the writer says the meaning of life is the family,children n work?children who grow up n will leave u. husband n wife who wil become more like a friend than a real lover. n one day your work will end too.what would u do when that happen?

i was trapped by this question. if that happen i m no longer a contented person?am i?

i always thought i can get what i wanted is the best thing ever.

 

but now i feel like i have the family i love. those friends i always dreamed of having, my studies is quite the envy of my friends, the praise, the honours but that is something......

if i stopped, my life would become meaningless.

i m just striving hard to SATISFY my life. not my life is satisfying me. precisely that. i have everything. i feel happy.

i once told cf i m a person who easily to forget sad things. but till today i realized, i m just always pretend not to acknowledge the sadness. i m just like bulls looking for the bullfighter. blunder on. with no ideas where the target is. *breathe out* 

i dun know what i am talking about nw and dun remember what i wan to blog today.

just tired in figuring a conclusion - am i feeling happy with my life now?

i no longer have this energy

posses the body, soul aren't mine .